We get a clue at the end of chapter 10 (v19) that this all happens on the same day as the events of chapter 9.

Let’s pretend we get a peek at Eliezer’s (fictional) journal:

🌄 morning of day 8

Been fasting for a week. I’d like to bathe and change clothes but Uncle Moses says we can’t change until after today. Time to go to work. There’s no way my tunic is gonna be white after today.

Afternoon: whew! We’ve offered 7 animals plus the grain offering. There are SO many details to remember! Why did Yahweh have to put the fat, kidneys and the lobe of the liver in different places on different beasts? It’s only father and me, Ithamar, and my older brothers Nadab and Abihu. That’s a lot of work for 5 hungry men. We finally got to eat!! I think my older brothers overdid it with the wine. Not good to have so much after a long fast. They say they’re fine but I think they may be a little impaired.

Later: we must’ve done well because Yahweh appeared in His fire-cloud like when we left Egypt. And some of the fire blazed out and went to the altar and instantly, all the things on the altar were gone! Everyone screamed and hit the dirt. It was one of the most amazing things I’ve ever seen and I’ll never forget it. It was both beautiful and terrifying at the same time. I know Nadab and Abihu probably think it’s no big deal compared to when they saw Yahweh and ate with Him and the 70 elders on Sinai but I think they need to be careful about getting too uppity like they’re Yahweh’s buddies or something.

🌌🌙Evening: Today has turned out to be a disaster. 😞 After the fire of Yahweh consumed the sacrifices, Nadab and Abihu were going to go into the tent to burn incense. They had the fire pans with the live coals, only, I think maybe they took the coals from the fires we used to cook our portions of the sacrifices. They were supposed to take only coals from the brazen altar to burn incense. They should’ve known that. Anyway, before they could even go through the curtain into the Holy Place the fire from Yahweh blazed out again. Only this time, instead of burning up the sacrifices on the altar… it killed my two eldest brothers.

My sisters in law and their children grieve. The whole family grieves. The congregation grieves. But Uncle Moses says we may not grieve. Father said almost nothing the rest of the day. He seems to be in a daze. Uncle Moses is angry. My cousins came and carried out the bodies. But Father, Ithamar and I couldn’t leave the sanctuary to see them buried because we’ve been anointed. I heard the procession, wailing, as they went out of the camp to bury them. I think the last thing I said to them was something mundane about cleaning up after the meal.

Uncle Moses has been in a fierce mood all day. He lectured us about drinking strong drink. And about being sure we know the difference between the sacred and the common. I thought to myself- “You’re a few hours late on that sermon, Uncle.” He fussed at us about the parts of the offering we were to eat. I choked down what I could but can anyone blame me for not having an appetite? In all the confusion Ithamar and I forgot about the goat for the sin offering. We were supposed to eat our portions but I forgot all about it til Uncle Moses told us he saw it burnt up to a crisp on the altar. We even forgot to take its blood into the sanctuary to sprinkle. It’s a wonder Yahweh hasn’t stricken us all dead. Poor Father. Uncle Moses told him to eat Nadab and Abihu’s portion of the sin offering in the sanctuary but he didn’t see how that would be right to do either. The one who offers the sin offering is supposed to eat it. And Nadab and Abihu are gone. This has been the most terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

---

I’ve wondered if there is a connection between this story and the deaths of Ananias & Sapphira in Acts 5:1-11.

Both events take place at the very beginning of the history of the congregation.

In both instances there was a presumptive attitude towards that which is holy.

In both instances it was 2 closely related people who are killed.

In both instances young men are called to come in and carry out the bodies wrapped up in their clothes.

In both there is a confrontation by the chief man-of-God.

And in both cases the result is a reverent fear of the Lord upon the people.

That seems like a lot of similarities for them not to be connected.

---

Chapter 11 – Kosher Food

Land Animals have to tick 2 boxes:

✅ Chews Cud

✅ Split Hoof

If you can’t tick BOTH boxes, don’t eat it.

Aquatic Animals also have to tick 2 boxes:

✅ Has fins (or at least 1 fin)

✅ Has scales

No fin? No fun. No scales? No sale.

Birds…🕊️🪿🐓🦃🦆🦚🦤🐦‍⬛🦅🦉🦇

The rule of the thumb for birds is: If it eats unclean things, don’t eat it.

You are what you eat. And you are what what you eat eats. 🤔

Insect Protein… 🦗🐜🐞🕷️🦂🪲🪳🐛

Klaus Schwab may want the peasants to “Eat ze bugs, own nozhing, and be ‘appy” but eating bugs is not strictly a Marxist globalist idea. If you find yourself needing insect protein in a survival situation (because I cannot think of any situation other than eminent death by starvation that would induce me to eat a bug), then here are the kosher ones:

✅ Locusts 🦗

✅ Grasshoppers 🦗

✅ Crickets 🦗

If they hop ‘em, you can pop ‘em. All other creepy crawlers are described – by none other than the Almighty Himself! – as “detestable.” I repeat: DETESTABLE. And who are we to argue with the Lord?

Mosquitoes? Detestable.

Centipedes? Detestable.

Spiders? I quote the King James: “These are an abomination to you.”

My rule is: Squish first (with an apology because it IS one of God’s creatures) and ask questions later.

Except for ladybugs. 🐞 and honeybees 🐝. Honeybees should be obvious. Without them we all die. Ladybugs get a pass because they’re cute and as far as I know do not bite, poison, damage things, transmit diseases or suck one’s blood at night.

Back to clean and unclean…

If you touch dead unclean things you’re unclean too. Fair enough. Some of em are bad enough that if you touch them while they’re alive, you’re unclean. And some of the rules… well… I gotta wonder, “What prompted that?”

Like the label on a baby stroller that says, “Remove child before folding.”

Or the warning on a package of iron-on shirt patterns: “Do not iron while wearing the shirt.”

Or the warning on a can of pepper spray: “May irritate eyes.” (One can only hope)

“And these are the unclean for you among the swarmers that swarm on the land: the weasel and the mouse and the thorn-tailed lizard according to its kind, and the gecko and the land crocodile and the lizard and the sand lizard and the chameleon. These are the unclean for you among all the swarmers; anyone who touches them at their death shall become unclean until the evening. And anything on which one of them falls at their death shall become unclean: any object of wood or garment or skin or sackcloth—any object that has performed work—must be placed in water, and it shall be unclean until the evening, and then it shall be clean. And any clay vessel into which it falls shall become unclean, and you must break it.”
‭‭Leviticus‬ ‭11‬:‭29‬-‭33‬ ‭LEB‬‬

Is anyone else picturing a dead crocodile falling out of the rafters? 🐊 Or maybe…

Anne of Green Gables: the mouse in the pudding

“Don’t eat it, Miss Stacy!” (couldn’t find a clip of that part)

I can only imagine how advanced these food hygiene regulations must’ve been in a world where people did some incredibly sketchy things (sometimes involving animal waste) in the name of medicine.

In a pre-scientific world that knows nothing of bacteria-borne diseases, viruses, and invisible pathogens, these regulations would keep God’s people healthy. Diet is only the beginning. Next week- child birth, zits, scabs, and… (ahem)…bodily discharges. 🫣