Lacy: (Reads Deuteronomy 12 & 13. Rubs hands together.) The time has come.
Oh y’all… This is one of those sections that gets me wound up and ready to preach.
(And I’m feeling rather spunky today)…
WARNING: This IS going to offend some of you. If you don’t feel like possibly being offended, skip today and come back for chapter 14. It’s all good.
I’m serious.
😏
No… Really.
🙄
Are you sure?
🫤
😬
Ok….
Don’t say you weren’t warned.
😳
Buckle up. We’re goin’ zero to Mach 4 in…
3…2…1….
🚀
🫣
Y’all… there is a right way to worship the LORD, and a million not right ways.
And HE is the ONLY One Who decides what qualifies as the “right” way.
Every time I hear a well-meaning Christian say something like…
“We’re glad you’re here with us today! We invite you to worship the Lord however you feel comfortable.”
😵💫 I SCREAM inside.
I’m sure things like this are said in naivety and with good intentions, but there are actually people out there who think that crawling on all fours and barking like a dog or smacking beach balls around or shaking their booties in skin-tight leather pants or showing off their manly chest hair when they strip off their sexy shirt to do a sword swallowing act, or women twirling from the ceiling in leave-nothing-to-the-imagination leotards a la’ Cirque de Soleil, and a bajillion other bizarre and shocking things are legitimate “expressions of worship.”
I make a lot of jokes in this blog. I’m not joking now. At all. All of things I just mentioned are things I’ve either personally witnessed in “church” or I’ve heard from eye-witnesses.
And it’s not ok.
(Sigh) Listen….
Christian people are not a monolithic group. There are hundreds of denominational views and thousands of subgroups. And there are as many levels of maturity in Christian conduct as there are Christians. It is NEVER a good idea to stand before a mixed multitude and give them leave to “worship however they are comfortable.” Even if no one starts jumping over pews or throwing chairs, it’s not a good idea to put the idea into the minds of Christians that they get to approach God on their terms.
You and I do not, I repeat: DO NOT get to decide how the Savior is to be worshipped.
Full stop.
“Do not worship the Lord your God in the way these pagan peoples worship their gods.” Deuteronomy 12:4 NLT
It blows my mind how “Big Eva” (the big evangelical megachurches and their smaller adoring fanboy churches) have looked at the sinful music and entertainment industry and said, “Let’s baptize THAT and call it worship!”
If you’re someone who has ever served on a worship team that I’ve led in the past 15ish years, you’ve probably heard me say something like, “If you can’t worship the Lord a capella, outside, or under fluorescent lights, I question your ability to worship Him at all.”
Harsh? Maybe.
(Can ya tell I’m fired up?!) 🔥🤨🔥
Is Christ REAL to us or not?
If I have to be hyped up into a foam of emotions in order to “feel the presence of God” is it really the Lord I’m feeling or an emotional high?
If Christ is real and He is with me as He promised, then He is present whether I “feel” Him or not.
📣
SO HOW ABOUT WE START LIVING LIKE IT!
We have GOT to learn to discern the difference between the moving of God’s Holy Spirit and… well… everything else.
The human body is capable of incredible psychosomatic experiences. Music has the power to manipulate feelings and the body itself. What someone might think is the presence of God might just be a really good subwoofer.
(Not making a joke there either.)
I’m not here to hate on subwoofers. Or worship teams. What I’m saying is, if you need those things – the low lights, bright stage, big sound, favorite feel-good worship tunes – in order to get “in the mood” then I’m telling you (in love) – grow up.
Uh. Ouch. 🫣
Hey – I did warn you.
Yeah but that left a mark. Can I at least get a bandaid? 🚑🩻
Does ums need a whittle pwincess bandaid for you feewings boo-boo? 🩹
Uhhhhh… No. Uh… I’m ok. 🫡
Good. 🤨🪖
(Mumbling) She missed her calling as a drill sergeant.
What was that? 🤨
😬 Nothing. Nothing. I was just saying that I missed calling my drill sergeant. I was supposed to do that…. Earlier. Do continue….
The other, and more significant problem (IMO), with telling people to worship “however they feel comfortable” is that about 75% of any given congregation doesn’t “feel” like doing squat. It’s uncomfortable.
Pardon me, but where is it written that we only have to do the comfortable things? If everyone lived this way there wouldn’t be a decent musician in the church. Developing skill on an instrument isn’t comfortable.
Here are some of the things I’ve observed over the years from a vantage point of standing before the congregation. (Oh yes- I see ALL the things. So does your pastor and worship leader: the distracting kids, the folded arms, the blank looks, the talking, the phones…) Consider this a worship leader rant…
🥱 Yawn- I can’t be bothered to celebrate the most amazing Being in existence. I don’t find it comfortable to sing in front of others. I’m quite comfortable just sitting here with my arms folded.
Stand? Only because someone said to and everyone else is. No idea that standing itself is an act of worship. There is zero intention behind standing other than following the herd.
Read along with the text out loud? Maybe. Quietly. And I’ll skip the hard words. Not even gonna try to get hooked on phonics.
Prayer? I’ll nod my assent while someone else prays. I only pray in public if I draw the short straw.
Clap? Ok. I guess. But only on the super clappy songs. Oh- and I’ll clap after the song as if it was my kid’s music recital or a concert and because the song made me feel good, not because I’m literally applauding God Himself.
Lifting Hands? Nope. Too embarrassing and risky. I’d rather hang my thumbs in these handy pockets I got here.
Sing? Nope. uh-uh. Not doin’ it.
Dance?! You can’t be serious. Abso-friggin-lutely not.
😲
Never mind that there is FAR more actual scriptural support for dancing, bowing down and even SHOUTING in praise than there is for clapping hands (the safe worship expression). There IS. Look ‘em up.
Oh I forgot. That actually requires WORK.
Woah woah woah there. Easy now. That last diatribe was level red snarkification. Are you feeling ok today?
I’m FINE. 😤 (breathes)
(Breathes some more…) 😑
(And more) 😤
(Starting to feel like a Lamaze class…) 😮💨
We’re gonna make it through this. 🤨
Ok, Tiger.
Maybe a brief change of subject will help.
Did you notice who ate the offerings?
It wasn’t the TV Preacher promising a 100-fold blessing if you sowed to his ministry.
(Ho boy. Here she goes with the tv preachers. Y’all better hide.)
The GIVER ate the gift – which he was commanded to share with his family, his employees, and especially the Levites.
Biblical tithing did not look like dropping a 20 in the plate. The people ate their tithes and offerings along with their friends, family, and ministers.
Hmm. Sounds a lot like my church. We spend a lot of our offerings on food and we eat together a lot. But I think that’s a very biblical thing. 🍗🍝🥘🥗
That said… you really shouldn’t eat breakfast during worship. I’ve seen that.
One woman came in late and brought her fella with her. She was carrying a brown bag and they sat down in the slightly dimly lit balcony. Directly opposite me.
Pro Tip: You’re not “hiding” in the balcony. The person on stage can see you. 👀
Anyway- we were on the 2nd song. I’m up there singin’ my heart out and she’s passing him a napkin. They each have a coffee. (Sip) She pulls out a white plastic knife and a little tub of something. And she’s arranging things on her lap. (Sip)
🎤 I’m still singin’ away. Trying (and totally failing) to not watch the breakfast club. 👀
Y’all, she then proceeds to pull out of the bag – I kid you not – a BAGEL 🥯 and spreads it with cream cheese (and maybe jam- I’m not sure. It was dimly lit.) and hands it to her guy and they start noshing while the rest of us are trying to engage in worship.
Hey. Dinner Breakfast and a show! 😏 That is exactly the thought that ran through my mind.
I don’t know if you’ve ever led a band, singers, and a large room full of people in a song before, but there is a LOT to think about simultaneously. Not the least of which should be Christ Himself. I did not need the added work of:
“Lace, don’t you dare stare at the people having breakfast in the balcony. Jesus loves them too. We’re just gonna be glad they came.”
“But look… a nice warm bagel. 🥯 And coffee. ☕️ A nice hot coffee… Look! They just took a sip! I’m up here on stage with a million eyes looking at me. I can’t have coffee. ☕️ Sad. 😔 Did I have breakfast? Mmmm… A toasty warm bagel. 🥯 Oh look! She’s spreading cream cheese! I love cream cheese on a toasty warm bagel…”
“FOCUS Lacy! FOCUS! 🚨 We gotta do that transition from the chorus to verse 2. Don’t blow it!” 😬
“I’m singing…I’m in a Church…and I’m singing.…I’m in a Church and I’m sing-ing!”
😅🎶
Now, if all of us were having bagels and coffee together over morning Bible study, that’s probably a different conversation.
Or even bagels and coffee while I sing at a coffeehouse event…
Seriously people.
LOCATION. LOCATION. LOCATION.
Moses spends a significant amount of time hammering home the point about the proper location to offer sacrifices. 📍🗺️
For 40 years, they have had the tabernacle in the middle of camp. Their whole lives it has been super convenient to bring an offering. It’s about to get very inconvenient.
Inconvenience is not a legitimate excuse for ignoring the way God wants it done.
If it’s for you, fine – eat your steak at home or on a picnic. If it’s for Yahweh – you don’t get to decide. You take it to Yahweh’s altar. Period. The altar at the high place isn’t “close enough.” You don’t get to make an altar in your back yard because it’s more convenient.
True worship requires effort and isn’t always convenient but the true worshiper realizes that the effort only adds to the value of the offering.
“When the Lord your God goes ahead of you and destroys the nations and you drive them out and live in their land, do not fall into the trap of following their customs and worshiping their gods. Do not inquire about their gods, saying, ‘How do these nations worship their gods? I want to follow their example.’ You must not worship the Lord your God the way the other nations worship their gods, for they perform for their gods every detestable act that the Lord hates. They even burn their sons and daughters as sacrifices to their gods.” Deuteronomy 12:29-31 NLT
I do not care how Hollywood, coastal elites, the corporate world, the jetsetters or movers and shakers do things. I don’t really care how big-shot executives build teams or create a corporate culture or brand identity.
As far as I’m concerned, that’s how the nations do it. And the Almighty has His own way of doing things. His Kingdom already has a culture (thank you very much).
Dear Church, please stop asking the World how to be the Church.
They don’t have the foggiest clue. And even if they did, that’s not the way Jesus wants it done. HE is the Head of His Church. No one else. We don’t ask His Enemy for advice.
For any of my readers who knew Ruth Bell, she once said, “Why does the Church of Jesus try to compete with the World? We can’t beat them at their game. And we have something to offer that they will never have – the Love of Jesus.”
When the Church tries to be cool like the world we end up A) being really not cool and B) looking an awful lot like the world.
CHAPTER 13
If we actually did the things in this chapter, TBN wouldn’t be a thing. Most of their prophets would be dead and we’d all be in prison.
Wow. That’s kinda dark. Are you sure you want to put that in print? 🫣
It’s fine. We’re not under the Old Covenant now. Since the New Covenant started we only identify false prophets and remove them from the Church. We don’t stone them. 🤓
What about a town of scoundrels?
What? 🤔
Scoundrels. That’s what it said. Sounds like a bunch of bad hombres.
“When you begin living in the towns the Lord your God is giving you, you may hear that scoundrels among you are leading their fellow citizens astray by saying, ‘Let us go worship other gods’—gods you have not known before.”
Deuteronomy 13:12-13 NLT
Then it says that they investigate and if it’s true and the whole town has turned to idolatry, then the whole town gets the death penalty then it gets burned to the ground. 🔥
Wow. Kinda makes my rant here today look mild by comparison. 😅
Yeah. At least you’re not burning things down.
Think anyone will come back and read the next post? Or do you think I offended them all away? 😬
They might come back. If you bring back Jeb and Ethel. And the funny memes.
Ok. I’ll try.
And lay off the sparkly water. I think the fizz makes you a little too spunky. 🫧
To The Reader 