Ahh, the infamous much lauded intimidating fabulous Proverbs 31 Woman…
As I mentioned in the last post, many scholars believe that “Lemuel” was a nickname for Solomon. If it is, then the text of this final chapter of Proverbs was given by God through Bathsheba. It’s one of the few places in scripture where God inspires a female writer. And I find that beautiful.
Bathsheba had her life as she knew it torn out of her hands. As a young married woman her soldier husband is deployed for months on end, leaving her to run the home alone. She is ordered to the palace by the king – a man who her husband had defended and fought alongside. She was taken and violated. She had an “unplanned pregnancy.” Her husband was murdered to cover it all up. She was then taken as a wife by the king who already had several other wives. The child she carried died shortly after birth.
Think about all that for a moment.
All that she went through could’ve made her extremely bitter. Or angry. And hopeless. Withdrawn and depressed. And perhaps it did for a time. But the few times we encounter her in scripture, she is the picture of grace, elegance, and loveliness. We don’t know much about Bathsheba except that she had another child. Solomon. And he loved and honored his mother. She instructed her son with Godly wisdom.
“The sayings of King Lemuel—an inspired utterance his mother taught him.”
Proverbs 31:1 NIV
Some translations use the word “oracle” or “prophecy” here. It’s the same Hebrew word (massa) used of the utterances of the great Prophets Isaiah, Jeremiah, Zechariah and others.
She may not be delivering a message of doom, but this is just as much the Word of the LORD as any other prophecy or oracle. I’ve never thought of Bathsheba as a prophetess, but if “Lemuel” is Solomon, then his mother ,Bathsheba, (at least in this moment), functions in the office of one of God’s prophets.
Let’s not doubt for a moment that the LORD can take the most broken life, and make something beautiful and strong and good.
She begins by telling him not to spend all his energy on women. If Solomon had actually lived by this wisdom, he would not have gone off the rails.
SIDE NOTE: WHY CONTEXT MATTERS…
Here are some verses that show why context is crucial in understanding and applying scripture.
“Let beer be for those who are perishing, wine for those who are in anguish! Let them drink and forget their poverty and remember their misery no more.”
Proverbs 31:6-7 NIV
If you take these verses out of context and cross-stitch them on a sampler, or print them on a t-shirt, it sounds like the Bible is recommending alcoholism. It’s doing no such thing. This is more along the lines of Paul recommending to Timothy “a little wine for your stomach’s sake and your frequent sickness.”
Don’t ever take verses out of context please. Thank you.
Moving on.
I haven’t read this book, but I’m pretty sure we have a copy in our local library. The title is brilliant. I doubt there’s a Christian woman out there who has read Proverbs 31 and thought, “Oh yeah. I can totally pull that off.” The “Proverbs 31 Woman,” as she is called, is like Mary Poppins…
HOT TAKE INCOMING IN 3…2…1…
The Poppins 31 Woman isn’t meant to be understood as the baseline expectation for all Godly wives. The text even says so:
“A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.”
Proverbs 31:10 NIV
Proverbs 31 is describing an exceptionally RARE woman. She is…
- A great partner to her husband
- A tireless and skillful homemaker
- An astute entrepreneur
- Smart with real estate and agriculture
- A capable manager
- Physically fit
- Economically savvy
- An artisanal weaver
- A philanthropist
- Fashion-forward and chic
- Married to a respected civic leader
- Successful with her side-hustle
- A fantastic mom
- An adored wife
This reminds me of a scene in Pride And Prejudice by Jane Austen (my bestie).
Our heroine Elizabeth Bennet is stuck at Netherfield Park while her sister recovers and she must have tea 🫖 ☕️ and polite conversation of an evening with the high-brow Bingley sisters, their good-natured brother and his pompous friend, Mr. Darcy.
This particular evening, Charles Bingley is praising all young ladies for having the “ patience to be so very accomplished.”
“They all paint tables, cover screens, and net purses…” he says.
Darcy pushes back that the word “accomplished” should not be so freely bestowed on young ladies for doing nothing more than “netting a purse, or covering a screen….
But I am very far from agreeing with you in your estimation of ladies in general. I cannot boast of knowing more than half a dozen, in the whole range of my acquaintance, that are really accomplished.”
“Nor I, I am sure,” said Miss Bingley.
“Then,” observed Elizabeth, “you must comprehend a great deal in your idea of an accomplished woman.”
“Yes; I do comprehend a great deal in it.”
“Oh! Certainly,” cried his faithful assistant, “no one can be really esteemed accomplished, who does not greatly surpass what is usually met with. A woman must have a thorough knowledge of music, singing, drawing, dancing, and the modern languages, to deserve the word; and besides all this, she must possess a certain something in her air and manner of walking, the tone of her voice, her address and expressions, or the word will be but half deserved.”
“All this she must possess,” added Darcy, “and to all this she must yet add something more substantial, in the improvement of her mind by extensive reading.”
“I am no longer surprised at your knowing only six accomplished women. I rather wonder now at your knowing any.” (E.B.)
“Are you so severe upon your own sex, as to doubt the possibility of all this?” (Darcy)
“I never saw such a woman. I never saw such capacity, and taste, and application, and elegance, as you describe, united.” (E.B.)
I would agree with Elizabeth Bennet.
I never saw such a woman.
For any man out there expecting to marry a Proverbs 31 woman, I ask, How well do YOU measure up to a list like this? Hmmm…?
Ladies, could we please stop telling ourselves that we are failures if we don’t tick all the boxes of Proverbs 31?
It’s something to aspire toward. An ideal.
And it’s great to have ideals. They keep us ever improving.
I think that’s what the Practically Perfect In Every Way Proverbs 31 woman is about. It’s not here to make you throw up your hands and say, “Forget it. I’m not even gonna try.” I see it as a healthy challenge; but not in the specifics. Meaning: I don’t think every woman needs to start dabbling in real estate on the side or open a cottage business making belts.
If I may, I’d like to attempt to summarize the principle traits of the Proverbs 31 woman. And it is those traits that we could pray and work toward (cuz you didn’t think for a second that you could accomplish any of this without Divine help, right?)
A Proverbs 31 Woman…
- Is virtuous
- Learns useful skills & develops talents
- Is loyal to her husband
- Is industrious and hardworking
- Is thoughtful, unselfish, giving
- Is practical and economical
- Welcomes and nurtures
- Is a woman of growing faith
If I’m obsessed with past hurts, bitter, afraid and anxious… If I’ve given up hoping for anything good to come, and use negativity as a shield from disappointment, it’s going to feel impossible to follow in the footsteps of The Virtuous Woman. I’m likely to call her “Miss Goody Two-Shoes” and tell myself I don’t care and “That’s just not me.”
If that resonates with you, I want to challenge you to pray into this.
One of Yahweh’s traits is…
“He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.”
Psalms 147:3 NLT
I’m sure he did that for Bathsheba. The things that had happened to her did not define her. At some point, she allowed herself to enjoy the good (even the little things) and didn’t push it away or diminish it in any way. She pressed into knowing the LORD and somewhere along the way, He spoke to her and revealed Divine wisdom fit for a king and worthy to be called “scripture.”
I didn’t happen overnight. But it did happen.
May you take a deep breath and lift your chin and courageously take one step at a time towards being “a truly accomplished woman.”
To The Reader 