MARRIAGE & DIVORCE

In the parallel passages of Mark 10:2-12 and Matthew 19:3-12 Jesus repeats what He taught on marriage and divorce in The Sermon on the Mount, (Mt. 5:31-3). These are the only recorded texts where Jesus teaches on these subjects. He is responding to this question:

“Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?” Matthew‬ ‭19‬:‭3‬ ‭ESV‬‬

That qualifying clause is important.

This is a sensitive topic and one with a wide spectrum of interpretations and views so I’m quite sure I’ll offend someone no matter how carefully I endeavor to handle the text. As with all scripture, we need to set aside what we want it to mean or what we’ve been told it means, and try to get at what the Lord meant when He said it.

The Pharisees and Jesus refer to Moses, so we should probably begin by looking at the portion of the Law they are quoting, Deuteronomy 24:1-4.

Prior to this text, the word “divorce” is used only 3 times in the Torah:

• Lev. 21:14 – A priest could not marry a divorced woman, or even a widow, or a former prostitute. He could only marry a virgin from the tribe of Levi. This is about ritual purity because a priest handled sacred things and his wife and children also ate sacred food that had been offered to the Lord.
• Lev. 22:13 – If a priest’s daughter was widowed or divorced young, and she had not had any children, and returned to her father’s house, then she could eat the sacred food without guilt.
• Num. 30:9 – When a widow or divorced woman made a vow, it stood. It could not be undone because only a husband could undo a wife’s vow.

That’s it. Up until Deuteronomy 24:1-4 these are the only mentions of divorce in the Law.

And Jesus said it was “because of the hardness of your heart” that Moses gave this Law:

“When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house, and if she goes and becomes another man’s wife, and the latter man hates her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter man dies, who took her to be his wife, then her former husband, who sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after she has been defiled, for that is an abomination before the Lord. And you shall not bring sin upon the land that the Lord your God is giving you for an inheritance.”
‭‭Deuteronomy‬ ‭24‬:‭1‬-‭4‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Points to notice:

• The statement “because he has found some indecency in her” uses the Hebrew word always translated as “nakedness.” That term is typically used as a euphemism for sexual intimacy. So, the husband has found out some kind of sexual deviancy, most likely that she has “given her nakedness” to another man either before or after their marriage.
• The divorced woman was allowed to remarry under this law, but she could not go back to her first husband after a second marriage. That was a serious sin.
• If you took the first clause “she finds no favor in his eyes” and detached it from the “because” and the clause about adultery (as the Jewish commentators did to everything at this time! Seriously, you should read some of the Talmud and Mishnah. They’ll take one phrase or even a single word and spin it into reams of completely unconnected commentary. It’s wild.) Anyway, if you isolate the first clause then you get “scriptural justification” for divorce for any reason. And THIS is what Jesus is taking issue with.

It’s probably good to stop here and remember that Jesus is giving a very specific answer to a very specific question.

You won’t find a discussion about a woman divorcing her husband anywhere in the Bible because until about 200 years ago, that didn’t exist. And even once it became possible, it was extremely limited. If you want to go down the rabbit hole of 18th and 19th century divorce laws, I got a video for that. Bottom line: The whole thing has been extremely lopsided for nearly all of human history.

Jesus goes back to the very beginning and God’s original intent for marriage as the standard:

“But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
‭‭Mark‬ ‭10‬:‭6‬-‭9‬ ‭ESV‬‬

It was Yahweh who observed, “It is not good for the man to be alone.” It was Yahweh who made, from Adam’s own flesh, a woman to be his counterpart. God didn’t make a herd of females and for Adam to be the bull of the herd. We’re not animals. We’re made in the image of God. The intention was for the man to have one counterpart to be permanently joined to.

Now, humans do a LOT of stuff that God never intended. We repent of it, we receive forgiveness and we move on.

BUT! (Someone will say) if a divorced person gets married, they’re committing adultery!

The Law of Moses, sanctioned BY GOD, seems to be allowing the divorced woman to remarry. It did not call her an adulteress for doing so. It only forbid her from returning to her 1st husband after a 2nd marriage.

Again, Jesus is addressing divorce over burnt toast or boredom, not legitimate divorce due to adultery or other sexual unfaithfulness. Look at the parallel passage in Matthew:

“And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭19‬:‭9‬ ‭ESV‬‬

So yes, this IS saying that if a man divorces his wife who has been faithful to him but “the spark was gone” and marries another woman that IS adultery.

There is no way around this statement.

But I think we need to be reminded that while it IS sin, we ask God to forgive sin ALL THE TIME. Yes, adultery is awful. And I’d probably personally respond to it with another sin: murder. And then live out my days in prison in an orange jumpsuit. Orange looks hideous on me, so there’s that to consider file for immediate divorce. No second chances.

😐 Aren’t Christians supposed to forgive?

Oh I’d forgive. And then he would get 10 minutes to leave and not be dead. That’s fair.

But I digress…

Even if someone – even a Christian – has illegitimately divorced and remarried, it IS sinful, but it’s not the unpardonable sin. It’s not “no big deal.” And I don’t think it should be treated lightly. But I also do not think that divorce papers are equivalent to this:

The traditional “Form of the Solemnization of Matrimony” in The Book of Common Prayer opens with a charge on the seriousness of what the couple is about to do and the biblical reasons for marriage:

💒🤵🏻‍♂️💍👰🏻‍♀️💐

DEARLY beloved, we are gathered together here in the sight of God, and in the face of this Congregation, to join together this man and this woman in holy Matrimony; which is an honourable estate, instituted of God in the time of man’s innocency, signifying unto us the mystical union that is betwixt Christ and his Church; which holy estate Christ adorned and beautified with his presence, and first miracle that he wrought, in Cana of Galilee; and is commended of Saint Paul to be honourable among all men: and therefore is not by any to be enterprised, nor taken in hand, unadvisedly, lightly, or wantonly, to satisfy men’s carnal lusts and appetites, like brute beasts that have no understanding; but reverently, discreetly, advisedly, soberly, and in the fear of God; duly considering the causes for which Matrimony was ordained.
First, It was ordained for the procreation of children, to be brought up in the fear and nurture of the Lord, and to the praise of his holy Name.
Secondly, It was ordained for a remedy against sin, and to avoid fornication; that such persons as have not the gift of continency might marry, and keep themselves undefiled members of Christ’s body.
Thirdly, It was ordained for the mutual society, help, and comfort, that the one ought to have of the other, both in prosperity and adversity. Into which holy estate these two persons present come now to be joined. Therefore if any man can shew any just cause, why they may not lawfully be joined together, let him now speak, or else hereafter for ever hold his peace.

🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔

I kinda feel like this should be required reading for every engaged couple. I’m sure plenty of Christian people get married without really considering what they’re doing. That doesn’t make it less binding. If a couple got married for selfish or sinful reasons, they can repent and grow in grace and build a sanctified marriage. Christian marriage is framed in the NT as a calling to be a living model of Christ and the Church. Paul will unpack this more in the Epistles. But for now, let’s get back to Mark 10.

The disciples rightly realize that marriage… is a risk. Maybe it would be better to not marry at all, they say.

Jesus doesn’t shoot that idea down. He just says that not everyone is cut out for singleness.

I highly recommend to you this message by Elisabeth Elliot on Marriage and Singleness. She is one of my all time favorite speakers. Her frank, no-nonsense approach and dry humor are refreshing like a frosty morning. It’s 46 minutes long and I promise it will challenge you in a good way.

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NOT A HIERARCHY

James and John come to Jesus with a request. As we will see tomorrow in the parallel passage in Matthew 20, their mom, Mrs. Zebedee, was with them. (Yet another reason I’m sure the disciples were young teens. What 25+ year old men would have mommy speak for them?) Mom wants to see her sons become important men in this coming Kingdom Jesus is talking about. They want to be Jesus’ second-in-command. Jesus has already demonstrated a special favor toward them. James and John were among the first 4 disciples called by Jesus and it’s possible that one of them had been a disciple of John the Baptist along with Andrew and had witnessed the Baptism of Jesus and wanted to follow Him from the start. James and John were the only disciples besides Peter who Jesus took with Him to resurrect the daughter of Jairus. They were also the only ones besides Peter to witness the Transfiguration. Peter, James, and John will be the 3 Jesus takes further away from the group to pray in Gethsemane. They have reason to believe they are special.

Jesus is patient with this request. He knows that they have no idea what they are asking for.

“He said to them, “You will drink my cup, but to sit at my right hand and at my left is not mine to grant, but it is for those for whom it has been prepared by my Father.”
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭20‬:‭23‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Many years later, John would be shown “those for whom it has been prepared.” It’s the overcomers in the Church of Laodicea.

“The one who conquers, I will grant him to sit with me on my throne, as I also conquered and sat down with my Father on his throne.”
‭‭Revelation‬ ‭3‬:‭21‬ ‭ESV‬‬

The other 10 disciples are put out with “The Sons of Thunder” so Jesus turns the conversation into a very important teaching moment. He needs to nip this idea of some being “over” others in the bud.

“And Jesus called them to him and said to them, “You know that those who are considered rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. But it shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

‭Mark‬ ‭10‬:‭42‬-‭45 ‭ESV‬‬

The typical earthly model of authority and power from ancient civilizations to today’s corporate offices is top-down hierarchy.

You have one guy at the top then the power is diffused through the ranks til you get down to the “little people” at the bottom.

This is the way the Gentile Romans, who ruled much of the world, handled authority. They had some men OVER other men who were UNDER. And this model IS effective. It works. The centurion who asked Jesus to heal his servant described it exactly. But just because something works for the world (or even for Moses with the hierarchy Jethro suggested) doesn’t mean it’s the method God wants for the Church.

Jesus puts an absolute “no” on that structure. “It shall not be so among you.”

Jesus teaches that the way to lead is to serve. The way to be first in the Kingdom is to be last and least. It’s the opposite of the world’s model. This should not be surprising. The flesh is contrary to the Spirit. The systems built by and for the flesh tend to get in the way of the Spirit.

Jesus is the only Head of the Church and all of the saints are brethren. Instead of a pyramid, Jesus’ “organizational flow chart” looks more like:

Jesus doesn’t need “middle managers” because He is present in every member of His Church through the Holy Spirit. Each member has direct access to the head. And Christ is the only mediator between God and men, (1 Tim. 2:5).

This is a radically new idea and an important lesson for them to learn. Jesus doesn’t have much time left with them and they will be given the task of making disciples and establishing assemblies of these believers. And Jesus doesn’t want the Roman model.